A Little Rant

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How is it that basically every man considers women to be “man haters”, but they cannot for the life of them figure out why it is this way? The last time I dated a well-adjusted, emotionally stable member of the fine male gender was college. That came to an end three years ago. What does that say about me? I’ve got time for men I shouldn’t have time for, not even a second. But what does it say that I’ve met handfuls of women who have the same story? That we are letting “men” regress. Boys will be boys ends in boyhood.

Unable to deal with failure, emotions, modern women, and their own issues, unable to take blame or accept responsibility. Including myself and many, many fellow women, men have tossed around slut, skank, dress up for me, you’re too pretty, you’re lazy, blah blah blah. I used to think, oh shit maybe I am not really pretty, or maybe I don’t do enough. But now that I’ve had years of experience conducting science experiments (relationships), I know that the only thing these obnoxious comments mean is ISSUES. Not within women, but the men.

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The point of this rant is not to say how much better women are than men. It’s to say that every “feminine” trait that men could benefit from respecting is ironically delegated to being gay, wussy, or girly. But women are adaptable, problem solvers, reflective, and resilient. And we have to be, because if we were to behave like men, the world would be a dire, dire place.

Imagine if men respected women, if they viewed our intuition and reflective nature like we viewed their physical strength? With Respect. What a novel idea, that straight men view women in a positive light, instead of whining about hanging out with their girlfriend/wife, building caves to escape into man world.

So in conclusion, I am not a man hater. In fact, I love men. I love men who are in touch with themselves. Who can accept that this is crucial to survival and not “gay”. I love men who can seamlessly go from writing in a journal to building a garden or playing a sport. That is a man. What I’ve more recently dealt with are boys – where you try so hard to be a man but a man is the opposite of what you think.

I’ve made a decision today, over a cupcake. To avoid boy problems. To cut those arguments right off the bat, and to nip boys in the bud the second they establish their boyhood. And I think all women should do the same. Leave the boys to the girls.

Ted Talks & Bechdel Tests

My friends all probably hate me because I hate watching YouTube videos. I don’t want to laugh at boy jokes put into motion or hear your shit music. Buuuuuut if you show me some Ted Talks, my heart will get a little melty.

I discovered this Ted Talk, in which Colin Stokes asks men to put aside the traditional man box and replace it with something far more “manly”. Paying attention to the movies you show your children, and yourself.

Meet the Bechdel Test. A simple test to identify gender bias in popular culture. To pass the Bechdel test, a movie must:
1. Have at least two [named] women in it
2. Who talk to each other
3. About something besides a man

Easy right? Not so much. Only a very slim percentage of movies, comics, stories, etc pass this. But why? I mean, women do surprisingly talk about legit stuff. Why are the boys so adverse to seeing women in pop culture? Because it isn’t manly to take them seriously?

Mr. Stokes goes on to talk about providing our children with a different narrative. One that includes both women and men as benevolent leaders. It’s beyond time for this. And when I think about the movies and TV shows I chose to watch, they all pass the Bechdel Test. There is both male and female good and evil, leaders and followers. Because that’s the planet I’ve chose to live on. And I think it’s time more men come over to this planet. Then, he drops the disgusting statistic that sexual assault (1 in 5 women) is more common than a movie that passes the Bechdel Test (11%). Why are men assaulting? Ask yourself this again after watching a modern day “man movie”.

I think about all the times I’ve heard a boyfriend complain about seeing his girlfriend, because like, why can’t he just be with his buddies all weekend? This always stuck out as more homosexual than “manly”. The guys who cheat and then complain about their girlfriend and wife to their side chick. Men who play games out of women, like placing bets on who fucks the fattest woman. The tired narrative of men being miserable once he gets married. I can come up with two reasons why adults would behave with such pointless ignorance:
1) They feel threatened that modern women are equals
2) They are closeted gays

Come out of the closet, or welcome your manhood to the modern world. Because the sad news is, that if we keep raising children with the same shitty pop culture literacy, a lot of our sons will be left behind by modern women.

You Should Date An Illiterate Girl – Thought Catalogue

Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

Let the anxious contract you’ve unwittingly written evolve slowly and uncomfortably into a relationship. Find shared interests and common ground like sushi, and folk music. Build an impenetrable bastion upon that ground. Make it sacred. Retreat into it every time the air gets stale, or the evenings get long. Talk about nothing of significance. Do little thinking. Let the months pass unnoticed. Ask her to move in. Let her decorate. Get into fights about inconsequential things like how the fucking shower curtain needs to be closed so that it doesn’t fucking collect mold. Let a year pass unnoticed. Begin to notice.

Figure that you should probably get married because you will have wasted a lot of time otherwise. Take her to dinner on the forty-fifth floor at a restaurant far beyond your means. Make sure there is a beautiful view of the city. Sheepishly ask a waiter to bring her a glass of champagne with a modest ring in it. When she notices, propose to her with all of the enthusiasm and sincerity you can muster. Do not be overly concerned if you feel your heart leap through a pane of sheet glass. For that matter, do not be overly concerned if you cannot feel it at all. If there is applause, let it stagnate. If she cries, smile as if you’ve never been happier. If she doesn’t, smile all the same.

Let the years pass unnoticed. Get a career, not a job. Buy a house. Have two striking children. Try to raise them well. Fail, frequently. Lapse into a bored indifference. Lapse into an indifferent sadness. Have a mid-life crisis. Grow old. Wonder at your lack of achievement. Feel sometimes contented, but mostly vacant and ethereal. Feel, during walks, as if you might never return, or as if you might blow away on the wind. Contract a terminal illness. Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion, that no one will write the story of your lives, and that she will die, too, with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.

Originally from Thought Catalogue.

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Never settle for a flameless candle, a love without a chance of hurt.

The line that gets to me the most: “with only a mild and tempered regret that nothing ever came of her capacity to love.”

Why would anyone want to settle for the mediocre anything – especially love, when we are surrounded by magic and energy every second of our lives?

Embrace xx

Chasing Amy – Silent Bob Speech

“…so I figure the best way is by calling her a slut, right? And tell her she was used. I’m… I’m out for blood. I really wanna hurt this girl. I’m like, “What the fuck is your problem?”, right? And she’s just all calmly trying to tell me, like, it was that time and it was that place and she doesn’t think she should apologize because she doesn’t feel that she’s done anything wrong.”

Why I Love Sluts

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Sex, that terrible thing some women have before marriage, outside of a monogamous relationship, and sometimes with multiple partners. One of my pet peeves is the negative use of “slut”, why should any human be degraded for doing something that everyone does?

I love sluts, and you probably should too. Here’s why:

1. Confidence. Confidence is contagious. Sluts are not always sluts because of “daddy issues” or mental illness. Sluts sometimes are confident in their needs, wants, and are also confident enough to get what they want. 

2. They Don’t Judge. Sluts are so used to being judged. When you slip up and have a steamy night with what’s his name, they’re not going to drive you into an anxiety attack and make you question your life. They’re going to high five you. 

3. What Mid Life Crisis? You know those people who live a safe, suburban life, until the age of 50 when they suddenly realize…they haven’t done anything (or anyone)? They’re not sluts.

4. Good Sex. Ever been told you act like a slut in bed? Really, dudebro means “hey you know how to have good sex.” What a frightening concept. If you’re going to have sex, learn how to have good sex. Otherwise, uh why are you taking your clothes off?

5. Brave. The average Canadian woman sleeps with 13 men in her lifetime, the average Canadian man sleeps with 23. Instead of simply existing, sluts push the boundaries and make their own stats. 

6. You’re Probably Hot. Jealousy is a bitch. As long as you’re not sleeping with your friend’s boyfriend. Women pull out the slut card because they are threatened by another woman’s attractiveness. Thank them for the compliment and keep being hot.

7. Fun. If you’re not having fun, you’re living wrong. Relax a little, live in the now, and make some awesome stories to tell. Sluts are fun friends, fun to get naked with, and never afraid of good old fashioned fun. 

Now, I’m not talking about the girls who will fuck anything who looks at them. That’s for another day. I’m talking about the women who have good sex, with hot men, who they may not be in a relationship with. The Samantha Jones’ of the world. 

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The next time you’re about to call an innocent person a slut, remind yourself of how much sex you’ve had. And that humans are not defined by their sexual encounters (or addictions like I’ve previously said). Once you walk away from said innocent girl without calling her a slut; go home and weep while watching Chasing Amy