Going Gluten Free: Call Me Crazy

For the better half of my life I’ve been known to launch rather quickly into new directions that I have no reason to explore. Some could say I am eccentric. Well, my latest blast-off has been into the anti-gluten galaxy. Yes, I stopped eating wheat.

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I’ve never met a dessert I didn’t like or a bowl of pasta I didn’t need. Homicide would be the short version of this story. And I’m pretty sure Sylvia Plath would have been OK if she just gorged on gluten. But to keep things interesting and bloggable, here’s what I think about my dumb recent exploration.

It started off cool. Hey why not eat brownies that are actually healthy for you and start making pizza crusts out of innocent salad materials? Sounds healthy! For a couple weeks it was great, I felt less bloated and had zero cravings for any wheat/sugar. Until I crashed so hard that I considered asking strangers for medication or drugs.One one gluten free day, schizophrenia crossed my mind. Do not decide to cut out gluten during the coldest month of the Canadian year.

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During high school I was that friend who was vegetarian. Ironically, PETA ruined that mission when they mailed me a flowery brochure about chickens being sociable buddies who love nesting together in trees. Too bad they can’t fly up into the trees. This time the claims were right. I did feel less bloated, but nowhere did anyone say I would feel wrong enough to self-diagnose myself with schizophrenia.

If you’re thinking about going gluten free (and aren’t celiac), consider just cutting back. You’ll be amazed to see what you can eat in place of gluten: chickpeas in brownies, more lettuce, rice, cauliflower, delicious coconut, the list goes on. But let yourself enjoy a sandwich, get that muffin when you missed breakfast.

My next foray into inconvenient diets is: clean eating. A movement less radical, but healthier. Seriously, avocado chocolate pudding. I would never recommend this gluten-free life to anyone who doesn’t need to do it. Focus on eating less processed foods all around and incorporating more fruits and veggies into your diet. You know, common sense.

I can’t fully blame the gluten, there are crappy things going on in my life right now. So it may not have been the right time to cut out gluten, but I still believe in gluten. The trend in these “elimination diets” is disturbing. Dairy free, vegan, gluten free, nightshade free, blah blah blah. It all sounds like one thing to me: fun free. CHILLLLLLLLLLL, man.

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Thursday marked my return to sweet, sweet gluten-filled sanity. I dove into this plate of Peanut Butter & Banana Pancakes at SCHOOL. I cannot wait to taste mac & cheese again.

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